What’s Sure to Suck? Throw a Rock and You’ll Hit One
May 9, 2008 in Sure to Suck
Once again we bravely traverse the movie section of your local newspaper, that is if your local newspaper has a movie section and hasn’t laid everyone in the Features department off to make more room for more Marmaduke cartoons, to see which are sure to suck this weekend. Don’t worry, I’ll let you hold my hand as we go through them. And if you’re wondering why these have just an extra touch of venom in them, it’s because today is my birthday and I also found a grey hair this morning in the bathroom mirror. Kutcher, you’re ass is grass and I’m the lawnmower.
Get Free Gum for Ruining a Crappy Director’s Career
May 8, 2008 in In The News, Uwe Boll
If you thought the “Stop Uwe Boll” petition drive couldn’t get any more cutthroat or sadistic, think again. A candy company is using their considerable muscle to rally together their band of diabetic, flabby armed gamers to stop Boll in his tracks.
‘Prince of Persia’ Remake Will Suck Harder than Anything that Has Ever Sucked Before
May 7, 2008 in Dumb Coming Attractions
We all know that all video game movies suck. And we all know that all Jerry Bruckheimer movies suck. What would happen if someone combined the two? If the thought hasn’t made your head explode, then keep reading.
Movies that Suck
Alone in the DarkSomething like this only happens once every two or three lifetimes. It’s the kind of moment that should be reserved for people who...
“It’s Not Easy Being Green”
Most God fearing people think of envy as a deadly sin, a mortal blotch on your soul for St. Peter to see on your resume when you’re...
In The News
Get Free Gum for Ruining a Crappy Director’s CareerIf you thought the “Stop Uwe Boll” petition drive couldn’t get any more cutthroat or sadistic, think again. A candy...
‘Dark Knight’ Trailer Hunt Attracts Jokers, Real Serious Cops
Last Monday, all across the country, thousands of people were tricked into wasting an entire day to watch a trailer three days before...
Dumb on DVD
Hey, You Got Zombies in My Strippers! Well You Got Strippers in My Zombies!If you like zombies (and who doesn’t) and if you like strippers (and you doesn’t), then have I got the perfect movie for...
‘Lost Boys’ Sequel Goes Straight to DVD, Hell
Remember the 80s? Boy I sure do. It sends a chill up my spine and makes my whole body cringe like an dry ice cube running down the...
Dumb Coming Attractions
‘Prince of Persia’ Remake Will Suck Harder than Anything that Has Ever Sucked BeforeWe all know that all video game movies suck. And we all know that all Jerry Bruckheimer movies suck. What would happen if someone combined...
Three Minutes of ‘Speed Racer’ Hits Web, Brick Wall
If you’re looking forward to the new big screen “Speed Racer” remake, kill yourself. But before you do check out...
