Dumb Movies: Dumb on DVD

Paramount Sequels No One Asked for Coming to DVD

If you were hoping and praying for sequels to films like “Grease” and “Without a Paddle,” kill yourself, then watch these sequels because you’ll end killing yourself by the time they are done. It makes for better time managment.

The Movie Blog reports that Paramount will release a line of direct-to-DVD films based on several popular comedies.

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Paris in Trouble As Opposed to Vice Versa

So if you hire Paris Hilton to be in your movie and that movie tanks, technically you should be able to sue Paris Hilton for damages, right? Makes sense to me.

Unfortunately, the backers of Paris’ last film, “Pledge This!” sued her not because the film tanked, but because she didn’t try to promote the movie, according to Cinematical.

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Set Your Phasers to Suck for This Weekend

Another weekend is just around the corner and that can only mean one thing, other than the odds are that you’ll meet your friends at the bar for a few drinks and wake up four days later in another country with no money, hair or pants.

The movie theaters and DVD stores are bound to be filled with new releases that will make you want to release something all over them. These are the movies that are “Sure to Suck” this weekend.

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Did you think the last two live action “Scooby Doo” movies were just pure tripe, a total piece of garbage and a complete waste of your time, money and eyeball juice? So do the studio heads. For once, we see eye to evil, evil eye.

Variety reports the third live action film will go straight-to-DVD.

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We Won’t Resort to Any Obvious and Cheap Jokes About How ‘Hancock’ Sucks in This Week’s ‘Sure to Suck’

The Fourth of July weekend is coming up, so you’ve got to have some plans by now. Maybe you should go to a barbecue to take a blanket and some beer to a quiet hill and watch some fireworks with that special someone. How about a trip to the movies? Sure, if you’re a big ol’ Communist.

Here’s what “Sure to Suck” at the theaters and on DVD this weekend.

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These Movies Do Not Compute

Things are a little slow out here at Casa de PelĂ­culas Mudas what with Pixar’s new “Wall-e” being all sweet and cute and melting everyone’s heart into sweet tasting goo. Damn you Pixar! Why do your movies have to kick so much ass? Every time you make a good movie, one of my children doesn’t get to eat.

So in honor of Pixar’s latest masterpiece, we present some dumb movies about robots.

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Wanna See Something that Sucks? You Can’t Go Wrong with Rob Schneider

If you’re looking for a horrible, rotten, terrible piece of cinematic garbage, you must live a very lonely and unfulfilling life. Hey, welcome to the club. You also can’t go wrong with the Schneidermeister, the Schneiderino, the Scheinderocre, the Sucktastic, never gone get an Oscarino.

His latest piece of miserable dreck is the direct-to-DVD dude “American Crude.”

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Movies that Have Been Out in the Sun Too Long

Hey, summer’s finally here. That means no more teachers, no more books, no more dirty looks from grown women who clearly had better career choices than to babysit your sniveling brats and try to stuff some knowledge into their heads to keep them from making the same lousy career choice.

So in honor of this momentous annual occasion, here are some bad suggestions for movies about frolicking in open coastal waters and being bitten in half by nature’s blenders: the great white shark.

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Hey, You Got Zombies in My Strippers! Well You Got Strippers in My Zombies!

If you like zombies (and who doesn’t) and if you like strippers (and you doesn’t), then have I got the perfect movie for you, you very very lonely man.

The trailer for the new direct-to-DVD extravaganza, “Zombie Strippers,” starring Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson hit the web this week.

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‘Lost Boys’ Sequel Goes Straight to DVD, Hell

Remember the 80s? Boy I sure do. It sends a chill up my spine and makes my whole body cringe like an dry ice cube running down the back of my shirt every time I think of them.

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