The Movie Blog reports that Paramount will release a line of direct-to-DVD films based on several popular comedies.

The blog reports that Cinematical will do a sequel to “Road Trip,” the college comedy starring Breckin Meyer and Tom Green, which is funny in and of itself since it’s hard to believe any college would accept Green as a student.

They will also release a third sequel to the “Grease” musicals. The tagline should read, “Bend over and smile because this will be a real lube job.”

The worst of the worst will definitely be a sequel to “Without a Paddle” called “Without a Paddle: Nature’s Calling.” Unfortunately, you won’t feel as good after watching it as you will after answering nature’s call.

Unfortunately, the backers of Paris’ last film, “Pledge This!” sued her not because the film tanked, but because she didn’t try to promote the movie, according to Cinematical.

Well hell, I would think not having Paris Hilton promote your movie would be the best thing that could happen to it. In fact, they should be suing if she did help to promote it. Sort of a false advertising suit.

If you’re interested to know what the movie is about, please go home and kill yourself because no one deserves to be on this planet with you.

She’s being sued $75,000 for not meeting her promotional obligations and she got $1 million for appearing in the movie. Just pay the people so we don’t have to hear about this anymore, Paris. $75,000 is what you use to paper train your weekly chihuahua.

The movie theaters and DVD stores are bound to be filled with new releases that will make you want to release something all over them. These are the movies that are “Sure to Suck” this weekend.

First in theaters, there’s “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2,” which is only one of two films in history that cannot be altered in anyway to make it sound like a porno film other than the original title, the first being “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.”

The first film put the “suck” in “moderate success” so the studios decided to bring it back a second time because…actually I have no idea why. It’s not a classic cult film. It’s not a huge blockbuster. It’s not even something women would drag their angry boyfriends to with the promise of a handjob and popcorn.

If you didn’t like the first “Starship Troopers,” you won’t like this one three times as much since it’s the third film in the series called “Starship Troopers 3: Marauder” coming to DVD this weekend.

The bugs are back again because Earth keeps leaving food out overnight and Johnny Rico, played by Casper Van Dien, to bring in the biggest can of Raid and wipe the scourge out once and for all.

There’s just something very attractive about a direct-to-DVD flick that’s based on a blockbuster that once raked in a ton of cash years ago. It’s almost the cinematic equivalent of taking it out back and putting it down Ol’ Yeller style without actually doing that and going to jail for first-degree murder.

Variety reports the third live action film will go straight-to-DVD.

This means that the studios were committed to doing a third film but released it was so bad and not worth releasing in the theaters that maybe they could make back their money on home video in much the same way that dot com stockholders were selling their blood in the hopes they could make back the money they lost investing in their companies.

The new film will be called “Scooby Doo: The Beginning” because “Scooby Doo: The Movie You Should Not Buy or Watch in Any Form or Capacity” wouldn’t fit on the cover.

The film will focus on how the Scooby-Doo gang got together and became a mystery solving gang as they try to find out who’s haunting their high school. Who wants to bet it’s going to be Mr. Withers, the man who used to run the abandoned amusement park?

Here’s what “Sure to Suck” at the theaters and on DVD this weekend.

First up, there’s “Hancock,” a movie we’ve been trashing for awhile and rightfully so because it a superhero movie that makes “Spider Man 3″ look like “Spider Man” and “Spider Man 2″ combined.

Will Smith plays a superhero in need of an extreme PR makeover since he’s basically Nick Nolte with superpowers. After he saves a PR guru played by Jason Bateman, he tries to reshape and soften his image so the public will like and accept him. We’re sure it’s going to have some sappy moralistic ending where the audience is supposed to learn that it’s OK to be yourself, but it will hard for them to accept when they are wishing they could burn every print of the movie by the time the final credits roll.

Then on DVD this week, there’s “Meet the Browns,” another movie from director and screen scribe Tyler Perry that’s sure to earn him another paycheck that he can use as a coaster or something since he already has so many of them.

Seriously, why does this guy keep getting the opportunity to make these horrid, unfunny movies? Because they make everyone who’s involved with them a butt-load of money. By the way, a “butt-load” is also a great way to describe Tyler Perry’s movies.

So in honor of Pixar’s latest masterpiece, we present some dumb movies about robots.

First off, there’s the classically bad 1953 sci-fi epic “Robot Monster” about a (you guessed it) robot monster sent to Earth to collect humans for “The Great One.” The robot gets money for collecting the humans and even more if he can find some who are still in their original packaging.

Eventually he gets to know the humans better and vows to protect humanity instead of destroy it. It should be noted that the “robot monster” in this movie is really just a guy in a really big gorilla suit with a bucket on his head that has two antenna sticking out of it. I’m sure what they didn’t spent on costumes, they spent on script, video production, special effects and catering.

Next let’s zip ahead to the 1980s for the “cleverly” titled chop ‘em up horror flick “Chopping Mall” about a group of murderous, malfunctioning robots who try to kill a group of teenagers who have locked themselves in a mall while having a wild sex party. The film was endorsed by the Catholic Church.

Rather than bore you with details of its rather simple plot or its extreme badness, here instead is a shot of the movie of one of the robots taking down a half naked teenager who was dumb enough to wander away from the group alone, in the dark, without any real weapons to speak of and in her underwear.

Remember kids, if you’re trying to survive against a band of murderous robots, don’t forget to wear pants.

Finally from Dreamworks, the movie studio that wishes they could be half as good as Pixar, comes “Robots,” a lukewarm version of the “Wall-e” movie, which is equally bad considering it came out three years before “Wall-e” even made it to film.

It features an all-star cast of characters including Robin Williams who did about three kilos of coke and boned up on 20 years of pop culture references to prepare for his part. Why does every kids movie that Robin Williams appears in including jokes and references to things that go way over the heads of the kids who would actually watch it? Maybe he thinks all the kids in his audiences are on coke too.

His latest piece of miserable dreck is the direct-to-DVD dude “American Crude.”

It stars Schneider as an about to be married guy, so right there the plot is already very hard to take seriously.

The whole evening goes horribly wrong when everything from murder to unidentified bodies to a kidnapping is thrown into the mix. You know, the usual bachelor party type stuff.

The movie also stars Jennifer Esposito, Ron Livingston and Michael Clarke Duncan who’s better known as the big magical black guy from “The Green Mile” who wishes he could use his magical healing powers to bring his career back from the dead.

So in honor of this momentous annual occasion, here are some bad suggestions for movies about frolicking in open coastal waters and being bitten in half by nature’s blenders: the great white shark.

John Schneider and Darryl Hannah star in his below B-movie schlock fest about a fisherman’s battle to save his waters from a greedy real estate developer who dumped some toxins into the water and created a breed of super hungry killer sharks. Why is it that every time dangerous poisons get dumped into the wild, they create ordinary animals into killing machines? Just once I’d like to see the toxins turn the animals into super-intelligent creatures who realize they are starring in horrid movies and demand a better script.

Next up is the made for TV schlock-flick “Spring Break Shark Attack” in which a bunch of angry sharks have a sudden craving for drunken spring break coeds. Who can blame them? They’re hot and when you eat them, you don’t need a drink. It’s like eating a turkey that’s been stuffed with whiskey and Red Bull.

But when you’re talking bad shark movies, you’ve got to turn to the movie that turned it from an entertaining, thrilling, groundbreaking blockbuster into the steaming load of whale shit that it is: “Jaws: The Revenge.” How do you know that it’s bad? Michael Caine himself said even though he starred in the film, he never saw it and still considers it to be terrible. He should have gotten the Pulitzer for criticism the year that he said it.

The trailer for the new direct-to-DVD extravaganza, “Zombie Strippers,” starring Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson hit the web this week.

Here’s our patented “Trashed Trailer” breakdown of the video’s premiere trailer on YouTube.

00:23 – The foreboding trailer narrator says, “In this small Nebraska town, a secret government project has gotten out of control and a deadly virus has been unleashed.” Well if Midwestern strippers are involved, I’m guessing the virus is “cholera.”

00:29 – Hey, is that The Todd from “Scrubs” holding the spoon full of mystery science fluid? Mealticket five. (SCHWAP!)

01:00 – The ominious movie trailer guy says, “Now every man’s fantasy is about to become…their worst nightmare.” Oh crap! Mom? Is that you? Get off the stage and why are you wearing my thong? You’ve been in my room again haven’t you? I told you to stay out of the basement.

The film picks up 21 year after the events of the first film with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim returning to their infamous roles as the vampire hunters. They decided to star in the film because they enjoyed playing the roles the first time around, they thought the script lived up the original film and they haven’t had anything to eat since 1989.

I’ve never really got what was so great about the first “Lost Boys” film. It can’t be the vampires because I’ve seen much cooler horror movies about vampires. It can’t be the story because it’s ludicrous and stale. It can’t be the horror because it isn’t scary. Maybe the fact that so many people found this movie interesting is scary on its own. I know it always makes me wet my pants.