We have our first look of the new “Punisher” movie with this trailer that hit the web today on YouTube.

We also have our patented “Trashed Trailer” look at the new film. Just follow along with the times below.

00:30 – Richard Cheese is…the Punisher.

01:09 – Since when did the Punisher join Cirque de Sole?

Is it true that there is a place on a man’s head that if you shoot it, it will blow you up? According to 01:33, yes, yes there is.

ComingSoon.net has a sneak peak at some set photos of the remake that’s sure to suck.

We took a look at and we have to say we’re not happy, which is probably an understatement for a site that’s called “DumbMovies.com.”

The photos focused solely on the new Jason and he looks bad and when we mean bad, we mean as not good.

He’s got the famed deformed face from the original movie, but it looks too forced and fake to be real or taken seriously. It doesn’t look scary at all, just like a mask ripped off form the original movie, which isn’t great for a movie on a budget of a gross national product of a third world country.

As for the other shocker, Latino Review has some new images of Megatron for “Transformers II: Rise of the Fallen.”

In the first movie, Megatron was just a big hunk of evil shrapnel that reshaped itself to look like a jet plane with bad acne.

But in this movie, he’s a frigging tank!

A tank with bad acne.

So with that in mind, here’s a look at the upcoming parody schlock-fest that is “An American Carol.”

We’re not against the film’s message. People have the right to believe whatever they want to believe just as we have the right to express our agreements disagreements with them. We consider any film with a message to be a miracle, even if that message is “Don’t drink gasoline straight out of the can” or “Chewing gum makes your testicles shrink.” It’s the fact that it looks like every other parody comedy to come out since “Airplane!” that makes it dumb.

The trailer has hit YouTube and here’s our “Trashed Trailer” take on it. Just read the comments along with the video and hilarity will ensue, which is more than I can say for “An American Carol.”

00:22 – Poor Gary Coleman. Is there anything he won’t do for a buck these days? Maybe I shouldn’t be asking that on the Internet.

00:55 – Bill O’Reilly makes a cameo in a Port-o-Potty creating a hilarious symbolic joke about his Fox News show.

01:09 – When you call yourself “The Master of Movie Satire” and then put it in giant letters with quotes around and your name in tiny, tiny letters under it, you’ve not just defined the word “douchebag.” You’ve tattooed it on your forehead.

Vin Diesel is in talks to return to the third installment, according to Variety.

The star and the studios are currently in talks to star in the movie. We can assume that they are discussing the terms of Diesel’s contract, his salary, the size of his trailer and the brand of chocolate covered goat milk that will be in his trailer. The script will work itself out.

Of course, Diesel didn’t appear in the second film because his price was so high that the studio wouldn’t have made enough money, enough meaning “just enough to buy a gold plated Mercedes that doesn’t have air conditioning powered by two third-world slave childs who live under the hood.”

He’s also returning to the fourth “Fast & Furious” film after bowing out of the last two films. Why the sudden change of mind? Maybe his money belt is starting to feel a little loose. I don’t mean he keeps his money in a special belt. I mean that he literally has a belt made out of money.

The MTV Movies Blog has confirmed that there will be a “Ghostbusters 3,” but most likely without the original cast.

This cheeses my cracker for three reasons. One, it’s an iconic movie that every child of the 80’s either loved and loved so much they would have killed a stranger to find out what happens to the Ghostbusters after the second sequel.

Second, it was written and created by some of the funniest and most creative people on the planet. Any attempt for anyone else to make it other than its creators, Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis, who couldn’t get a movie deal for a third film because of the ridiculously high salaries they’d deserve for making it. It’s like letting Picasso repaint the Sistene Chapel. There’s a chance it might look good, but you just know it’s going to look #*$&ed up.

Lastly, Aykroyd and Ramis have found a way to do the third movie they wanted, even if God can’t pay them: a kick-ass video game featuring all the original actors from the first two movies. Now it looks like because of this film and some other stupid marketing reasons, that game is on hold. Thanks again Hollywood for being the manufacturer of dreams and then taking them from us. You’re the alcoholic father I never had.

MTV Movies Blog reports the sequel starring Nicholas Cage is already in the works.

That large grinding engine noise you keep isn’t the revving of Ghost Rider’s modified Boss Hoss 3 LRC. It’s the collective grinding of America’s teeth. It’s a common mistake.

Surprisingly, Cage doesn’t seem to know the film is going ahead at full speed and eventually head-on into a brick wall. See, Nicky my boy, those big stacks of paper they throw on your doorstep while your sleeping in a bed that’s stuffed with cash (not under the mattress, the bed is literally stuffed and stitched out of cash), those are called scripts. Try reading one sometime.

He said the only development he had heard was that the next film would take place in Europe and the character (this is so true) will “work with the Catholic Church.” So keep an eye out for “Ghost Rider 2: Fire Down Below,” coming soon to a theater near you.

The Movie Blog has the skinny on the fifth “Saw” film.

Specifically, they snagged a copy of the new poster…

Where have I seen this poster before? Oh right, the last four “Saw” films. They each had some kind of horrible, grotesque human mutilation to remind audiences that the film will definitely be short on plot and long on flying blood and other bodily humors.

The only audience for these films are the blood-thirsty horror fiends who dig films with torture and innocent deaths, which there isn’t anything wrong with as long as the films they are watching aren’t home videos or terrorist cell training videos.

But the more films they make, the more extreme they have to be to make them stand out. So by the time “Saw XIIII” rolls around, the poster will just be a giant pile of bloody soaked bodies in a cereal bowl with a spoon sticking out of it and the tagline, “Two scoops…of pain.” If that sounds like a lame joke, just imagine the “Saw” screenwriter who’s jotting a note down in his idea book.

The Movie Blog reports that Paramount will release a line of direct-to-DVD films based on several popular comedies.

The blog reports that Cinematical will do a sequel to “Road Trip,” the college comedy starring Breckin Meyer and Tom Green, which is funny in and of itself since it’s hard to believe any college would accept Green as a student.

They will also release a third sequel to the “Grease” musicals. The tagline should read, “Bend over and smile because this will be a real lube job.”

The worst of the worst will definitely be a sequel to “Without a Paddle” called “Without a Paddle: Nature’s Calling.” Unfortunately, you won’t feel as good after watching it as you will after answering nature’s call.

A trailer has hit the web for yet another Harry Potter movie on YouTube, this time its “Harry Potter and the Something or Other I Didn’t Even Bother to Find the Title for Because I’m So Sick to Death of These Movies.”

We, as always, have posted the trailer below for our patented cinematic firing squad system that we called “Trashed Trailers.” Just watch the video below and read along at the right times for our guaranteed pithy comments. Enjoy.

00:08 – A row of crystals is revealed and Dumbledore tells Harry Potter, “What you are looking at are memories.” I’ll bet he keeps Larry Flynt and Wilt Chamberlain’s memory crystals in a shoebox under his bed.

00:52 – A young boy named Tom Riddle tells Dumbledore, “I can make things move without touching them.” Like what? Your penis?

00:57 – Tom also tells Dumbledore, “I can make bad things happen to people who are mean to me.” He adds, “For instance, Richard Roeper gave my last film a bad review and now he’s the entertainment reporter in Bumblef#&$*, Arkansas.”