Dumb Movies: Dumb Coming Attractions

‘Disaster Movie’ to Become Most Aptly Titled Film Since ‘Failure to Launch’

Has anyone in the history of the universe ever found movies like “Meet the Spartans,” “Date Movie” and “Epic Movie” funny? If you just answered yes, get out. You don’t belong in the universe.

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Spider Man, Spider Man, Does Whatever a Spider Man Can…To Run His Movie Series Into the Ground

If you thought “Spider Man 3″ was bad, well get ready to pull the brakes on the suck train because “Spider Man 4″ wants to get on and he’s got a first class ticket.

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Things that Make You Go, “What the #*#&$ing #*&$ing $*#*?”

Hollywood seems to have a skewed view of how to make a successful action remake. The trend used to be that the producers would put together a lot of accomplished action writers and actors in the hopes of making a good action movie. These days, the trend seems to be that the producers do a whole lot of acid, whack each other across the head with wooden boards and then cast writers and actors in the hopes of making a good action movie before the hallucinations wear off.

Here are three of the strangest casting choices we’ve heard so far for future some “Sure to Suck” movie releases.

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‘Bourne’ Won’t Die

There’s something inherently annoying about the “Bourne” movie franchise. Sure the first one was OK and the second wasn’t as good but still good and the third wasn’t as good as the other one. It really just pisses me off that a big movie franchise like that can’t at least be really, really, really mediocre, bad mediocre, Brent Ratner mediocre.

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‘Beverly Hills Crap’ in Production

Yes, Axel Foley will be back for one more movie and let’s just hope that this time, he really means “one” more movie. Of course, as evidenced by the picture to the left, he’s not that good at counting to begin with, so all hope is lost as this point.

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What’s ‘Happening’ Now With M. Night Shyamalan’s Next Twist Tragedy?

Did you like M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Village” or “Signs” or “Lady in the Water”? Me neither and apparently, he didn’t get the message because he’s made another movie.

This time, according to Slashfilm, Shyamalan has another film where the audience doesn’t have much idea of what’s going on whether they’ve seen the film or not called “The Happening.”

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‘The Mummy’ Returns, Hopefully, for the Last Goddamn Time

Can anyone count how many movies there have been? Maybe I’m just not that smart or I don’t want to revisit the fact they keep churning out these big budget horror-adventure films until the contents of my stomach churn up, flying out of my mouth and get slapped into a film canister and shipped off as the next “Mummy” movie. I call it being pro-active.

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What Smells Like Old, Dead, Rotting Fish?

Big budget remakes of successful movies really piss me off. They take little or no imagination to write or produce. Anyone can do it and they make millions of dollars just in their opening weekend. They piss me off because I wish I had thought of the idea first.

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“Point Break” Sequel Will Make Future Generations Cry

If you liked the catchy dialogue of Keanu Reeve’s performance in the first “Point Break” with such memorable lines as “Whoa,” “Dude” and “Whoa dude,” have we got good news for you.

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‘Hulk’ Ready for Close Up (But We’re Not) With New Pics

The new “Incredible Hulk” movie is just around the corner and some new pics have surfaced of the cast member walking around, staring at things and touching things. That’s $150 million in CGI effects that’s sure well spent folks.

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