There a lot of strange mysteries that make the universe a wonderful place to be a part of: the exact orbits of the planets, the creation of Stonehenge, the movies of Ron Jeremy. Then there are some that make you wish the universe would suck itself up into non-existence just so you can understand those mysteries because you know the answer will make you want to kill yourself.

That question for me is how in the hell does Dane Cook keep getting movie roles? That question entered my brain again when a video for his new film, “My Best Friend’s Girl,” surfaced like a turd floating to the top of the bowl on the virtual toilet that is YouTube.

The film stars Jason Biggs as a nice guy who is always down on his luck with the ladies. He actually uses the line, “I’m Mr. Right. I’m just not Mr. Right Now.” Now, we start to see the ugly down side of the Writer’s Guide strike. Oh, strikebreakers, where are you and your sticks when we needed you?

He wants to woo Kate Hudson so he hires his roommate Dane Cook to be the jerk that will help him get the woman, so I’m assuming he won’t have to do a lot of acting for this one. It’s basically his comedy act with a soundtrack.

Of course, all plans go to hell when Kate starts to fall for Dane instead of Jason. Kate says she wants to see other people, but Jason doesn’t know that “other people” means Dane, so now Dane has to up his “jerk-off-itude” even more. If you want to know the ending, here’s a spoiler: the audience kills themselves by the time the final credits roll.