Hey, summer’s finally here. That means no more teachers, no more books, no more dirty looks from grown women who clearly had better career choices than to babysit your sniveling brats and try to stuff some knowledge into their heads to keep them from making the same lousy career choice.

So in honor of this momentous annual occasion, here are some bad suggestions for movies about frolicking in open coastal waters and being bitten in half by nature’s blenders: the great white shark.

John Schneider and Darryl Hannah star in his below B-movie schlock fest about a fisherman’s battle to save his waters from a greedy real estate developer who dumped some toxins into the water and created a breed of super hungry killer sharks. Why is it that every time dangerous poisons get dumped into the wild, they create ordinary animals into killing machines? Just once I’d like to see the toxins turn the animals into super-intelligent creatures who realize they are starring in horrid movies and demand a better script.

Next up is the made for TV schlock-flick “Spring Break Shark Attack” in which a bunch of angry sharks have a sudden craving for drunken spring break coeds. Who can blame them? They’re hot and when you eat them, you don’t need a drink. It’s like eating a turkey that’s been stuffed with whiskey and Red Bull.

But when you’re talking bad shark movies, you’ve got to turn to the movie that turned it from an entertaining, thrilling, groundbreaking blockbuster into the steaming load of whale shit that it is: “Jaws: The Revenge.” How do you know that it’s bad? Michael Caine himself said even though he starred in the film, he never saw it and still considers it to be terrible. He should have gotten the Pulitzer for criticism the year that he said it.