Some Shocking News: “Speed Racer” Sucks
After predicting the new “Speed Racer” remake would be a huge waste of time, money and eye usage, we are pleasantly surprised to report that it’s even worse than that.
The film, which opened last Friday, scored a 35% “rotten” rating on RottenTomatoes.com over the weekend.
Joe Morganstern of the Wall Street Journal calls this car wreck of a film a…
“toxic admixture of computer-generated frenzy and live-action torpor succeeds in being, almost simultaneously, genuinely painful — the esthetic equivalent of needles in eyeballs…”
Wow, I’ve said a lot of negative things about movies before, but never anything to the effect this film feels like being stabbed in the eyes over and over. I’ve said I wanted to stab MYSELF in the eyes, but I never said the film was responsible for the assault.
Claudia Piug of USA Today said…
“For a movie about velocity, the excitement factor is low and the races feel like a drag.”
Oh you just knew one of the critics was going to whip out a drag pen in their thesis statement. Either that or “Boy is this movie SLOW” or “This film runs out of gas quick” or “I towed myself out of the theater.” Yeah, I’m glad movie critics aren’t really writers either.
On the positive side, Chris Hewitt of the St. Paul Pioneer Press said…
“Speed Racer doesn’t resemble any movie you’ve ever seen.”
He must see a lot of GOOD movies.
steve Said,
May 14, 2008 @ 7:03 am
speed racer is like taking a BIG dump in the toilet….then add lots and lots
of colors. only worse
patrick Said,
May 15, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
The Wachowski bros certainly put a lot of effort into making Speed Racer… but the movie overall looked and felt like a cross between anime, a kaleidoscope, that Flintstones movie, a video game and the Dukes of Hazard
Danny Gallagher Said,
May 19, 2008 @ 4:00 am
You’re both right, it’s looks like a kaleidoscope of poop.
Brian Shaw Said,
May 21, 2008 @ 1:15 pm
I saw this movie at a drive-in…thank goodness I paid to see Iron Man and watched this 1st. Even free it was still so painful to watch and I’ve sat through alot of kids movies. There are various aspects of the movie sure to agonize every age group and demografic.
Let your 10yr old and below watch when its shown on TV where the language is cleaned up. Make sure you schedule something during this time period so you have an excuse not to watch or you will regret it.
sarah Said,
May 27, 2008 @ 1:31 pm
fuck you all!!! speed racer was a hella sick ass movie:]]it was da best movie ive EVER seen.it was hella the bomb ass!!!!!!!!!!!
carrie Said,
May 27, 2008 @ 1:33 pm
speed racer was not kaleidoscope of poop. it was very fun for my whole family to watch and we really enjoyed the movie. that movie was better than iron man.
Blair Said,
October 23, 2008 @ 9:20 pm
Are you people fucking stupid? this is the worst fucking movie of the decade over load of CGI poor story line pasting of people everywhere fucking face wipes on every fucking scene omfg i couldnt bare wtaching the rest. fuck you all its plp like you who like these movies that keep plp making more of them and destroying the film industry shame on you.
Raul Said,
September 20, 2009 @ 11:22 pm
i saw it on cable…the last 20 minutes…seems like a japanese “convulsion cartoon”, i’m feeling sickness after i saw that movie..
Chris Said,
March 29, 2011 @ 12:48 am
Blair, I believe anyone defending it here posts on NeoGAF. It’s a wank fest for this tripe over there. Yet these same people go around on that site and say you have bad taste if you don’t like a movie only six other people like.
Moop Said,
January 24, 2012 @ 2:21 pm
I’ve never watched the entire movie, but the bits and pieces i saw were awful. It was waay too colorful, and it seemed so unrealistic that i left the room and let my family watch it. It was too cheesy. That kid with the monkey was especially annoying as well.