Every week before the opening films invade your local movie theater the way a tapeworm invades your stomach, we take a gander of your local listings to see which films are sure to suck. Hence the title, “Sure to Suck.” Pretty clever, ain’t it? I love alliteration.

First up from director Roland Emmerich, the man who brought you “Independence Day” and “The Day After Tomorrow” comes “10,000 B.C.” and it’s about a tribal warrior who braves the dangers of the land before time to rescue his family from a group of vicious warlords. It’s guaranteed to make you feel at least a million years old by the time you’re done watching it. As an added bonus, it’s also set in the Ice Age, so get ready for the Hollywood guilt trip about global warming that just started to wear off from Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth.”

Martin Lawrence returns to the big screen to play Martin Lawrence pretending to be someone else in another crazy road trip caper “comedy” called “College Road Trip.” Now before you get all excited and start thinking this is another raunchy “Animal House” type comedy about fat guys getting drunk in togas with half naked sorority sisters, keep in mind this is being released by Walt Disney Pictures. So its OK, you can bring your kids to this one, especially if you really, really hate them.

Finally and it pains me a little bit to say this, but Stephen Chow’s “CJ7″ definitely looks like it will suck. I loved “Kung Fu Hustle.” It was so silly and madcap and crazy and then without warning, a kickass sock’em kung fu flick. This story about a boy who finds an alien for a pet looks like the executives who greenlit said, “How can we bring back the movie ‘Mac & Me’ but without all the originality, charm and entertainment?”